Confession: Bad Kitty is an Aspie

What is an Aspie? It is someone with Asperger's syndrome. What is that? Asperger's syndrome is a very high functioning form of autism. I never knew I had it until I met someone else who had it who was much younger and I researched a lot more about it.

These are some of the differences between me and average people that I share with other folks who have Asperger's syndrome. These symptoms begin at a young age and persist unless they are worked on

• Awkward basic motor skills (bumping into things all the time to this day!)
• Obsessive interests
• Highly organized and obsessed with order
• Self stimulation to sooth (I called it Diddling! - just rolling my hand across the smooth texture of a blanket or sheet; it still works to this day, although I seldom do it unless I am tired)
• As I was not discovered to be needing glasses until I was 10 (and could not see faces) I avoided the eyes of others (I could not see them!); I could not see the faces of my peers and was always anxious. I knew that I was missing something - I just didn't know WHAT!
• I would talk to myself about my inner world; on and on, but I do not recall ever telling others and now in the present, I do go on and on about my interests and those who live with me do wish at times I would just be quiet. I do try.
• As a teenager, I had difficulties with teachers and figures of authority because allegedly "the social cues that define societal hierarchies are invisible.." (from Wired: The Geek Syndrome) I still see those social hierarchies as invisible and believe that is rather a bit of rot. Teachers are there to TEACH. Students are there to LEARN. What do social hierarchies have to do with that at ALL? If I am 15 and there to learn HISTORY, is not that teacher required to give me the respect I am required to give him? What damn social hierarchy? Teachers are frequently mean because they can be. That is pure monkey feces. Do not make excuses for that crap because I refuse to buy it.

Anyway, I started this journey this morning because I found a great blog on Psychology Today by a fellow Aspie titled Neurological Disorder or Natural Diversity. There are great links in there, including the one to the Wired article. Those of us wired this way, we just think differently. We process information differently. I overcame so much of that which made me a person who lived inside myself. But, fundamentally, I am at my core the person who sees pictures and hears the trees sing.

I remember razzle dazzling in the dirt and everything in the earth being alive and talking to me; no people, just the earth and me in harmony. I didn't really need people, just knowing my dad was around and I was safe allowed me to go on with my journey. Blind, but seeing more than most, singing my heart out trying to get all the sounds out of my head because they were so glorious, and just knowing that being alive was the very best thing, ever.